my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
