The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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