I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
