...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just cropdusted the office
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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