If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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