he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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