you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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