Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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