im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
