dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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