Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
