yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
