Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
