didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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