my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
