was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
