Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
