After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
