I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
