I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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