he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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