Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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