She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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