this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
