I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
