It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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