New low: just hacked my moms facebook
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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