You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
