biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
