Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
