will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
