And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
