i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
