im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
