I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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