party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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