You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
