Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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