you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Holy shit dude........stairs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize