Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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