i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
