Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
