I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
