Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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