Sry I called you an 8
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
