just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
