Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
