It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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