We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
