there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
