Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize