I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
