some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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