i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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