Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
