Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
