Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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