taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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