if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
