I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
