By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
