I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
