we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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